And all of a her rambling thoughts suddenly came to a stop. Her tears felt as though they were acid rain. Her eyes were burning from crying so much. The room had come to a saddened silence.She wasn't quite sure how to take the doctor's words. "Laura, he never ever loved you. He is completely incapable of loving anyone." (She looks at me sympathetically). Part of me wanted to fight back and say he did love me. Though I didn't. I knew she was right. And now I know it is finally time to move on,... for if I don't, it could possibly become too late...

Not always proud of myself...

Don't fall for me cuz It'll take you 6 feet under

Why can't I escape?

I told you guys that I would be open about my good and bad days... So here we go....

I am in a downward-spiraling world of confusion. I need help but I'm scared. I don't know how to forgive myself, but then again I don't know what I should be forgiving myself for. I feel so scared. I went back to some bad habits yesterday that I'M NOT proud of. Maybe I'm waiting to receive forgiveness from others... Who? I'm not quite sure. I cut myself last night. I was hoping that it would numb the pain... It didn't. I was hoping that maybe the physical pain would hurt enough that I could forgive myself... I haven't. I don't know what to do, or how to live, or anything along those lines anymore. I even took in a new habit of cutting my arms. Once again... Not at all proud.

I'm dead. HAPPY NOW??

But in the end we all have to decipher what love is to us. We try so hard to love the "right" people. We try so hard to battle the "wrong" people off. But in the end, what is wrong? What is right? All I know is that I try my hardest not to fall in-love with the wrong guy, but in the end there is only one person I think about when I'm laying down at night. I don't know... Maybe I''ll always love him. The truth is, that he was my first love... My first heartbreak... It seems to me that all I can think about is how much I miss you, but what you did is wrong. Even if I do love you, you will always be a monster to every girl you try to ruin.

This is me my blog people

Why is it so easy to fall in love, but so hard to fall out of love? It was as though it was a blink of an eye. I fell in love with you... It was so easy darling. I saw it coming, and I tried to fight it, but I was just blatantly in love. Nothing got in the way of me loving you, but when it was time to fall out of love with you it seemed impossible.  It was as though all of the things that I ignored while loving you, were blocking me in all at once when it was time to go.

Although, each day that comes without you, I lose another part of you. And its not fucking fair because I don't want to let you go. You were supposed to be mine. I am hopelessly in love with you dammit. I need to not be, but the fucking point is that I am. So what fucking now? I don't know what to do, and it hurts to say that the next step in my life is not going to be with you. I have to learn how to be happy without you. Whatever that means...

But don't worry about me. You never did in the first place. I'll be okay I guess....

Your're the one that I want-Alex and Sierra

I am starting to be happy again. In the past few weeks I have noticed that I am possibly starting to fall for someone new. Don't get me wrong, I am still dealing with heartbreak and confusion. That being said, I have regained a feeling of hope. Last month I would have told you  that I would never feel the same way about someone again. And I still don't feel that way about anyone. This time though I am not rushing into major feelings. At one time, getting me to say that I would start feeling again was like beating a dead horse. Ha, ever heard that phrase? Well that was totally me. I can't wait to start being myself again. I want to create a new and healthy normal for everything in my life. I am choosing to start over. I deserve to be happy again. I never deserved to be this unhappy in the first place, and you don't either. So come on and be happy with me:)

My other blog

For anyone who views my blog, I would like you to know that I am very appreciative. You are the type of people that help me because you are the ones who listen. Also, I try to update my blog often, but don't always have the chance too. If you are eager to jump into the next chapter of my writing I have another blog called:

https://moonightwriting.blogspot.com/

This blog is me just getting a little creative with my writing. I post mostly poems that I write on here. I try to post of at least one of my blogs every single day!

                                                                                                      

                                                                                             Thank You!

I took your matches before fire could catch me...~ Taylor Swift

I learned a rather important lesson the other day. It turns out that the person I had dated in the past was an awful person. He has done and is doing many things that are so wrong to hurt others. I have to deal with him one more time for legal reasons. This means to me that I have one last chance to stand in front of this monster and tell the world my story. I will not lack confidence in myself. Because I choose not to just stand up for myself, but for all of these young girls that he has tried to ruin in his path. If I don't stand up for all of us then no one will. He chose the wrong girl to mess with this time. When I love, I love deeply, and that also goes for strangers. I may not know all of the other girls that he has destroyed, but I know what it feels like to be tangled in his control. This guy is a predator, but I refuse to be his prey. If I only got to say one more thing to him then I would say this, 

            "You are a tornado thinking that you can demolish anything in your path. You tried to pull me apart, but I was too deeply  rooted in the ground. You may have torn a couple of "leaves" off of me, but don't you know that my "leaves" always grow back? Silly silly boy,  you thought you could hurt me, but the parts of me that are broken from you will be stronger before awhile, and it will be as though you were just a blur; A part of my past so small as though it never even existed. So this is me running away from you before it's too late. But now I'm gone, and it is your turn to run because I have come back one more time, but this time it is not to love you. This time I am here to be a firework, a saver for the rest of us girls. So stay away because you know what happens to people who stand close to fireworks, but there is one thing that is special about the fireworks this time...They are never-ending. The only thing it is too late to run back to is us(standing with all of the other girls that he has tried to hurt). (I look into his eyes with a slight hesitation and then say)..... Better start running."

A new tip for a new day

Today is a new day. A new day for me; and a new day for you. Take a stand with me today, and lets make each day worth living. At least for one day, let us not dwell on yesterday's weaknesses, but on today's strengths. Of course we will make mistakes on the way, and of course it will be okay. We all make mistakes, and that makes us who we are today. It is natural to regret your mistakes, but it is also okay to except that they have helped build the person you are today. There are so many people worried about what others think of them, what they look like, what others look like, etc. I will tell you that I am guilty of all of the above. But I am here to make a point today, and not to point out flaws. Now I am sure that you have heard this phrase on numerous occasions, but life is too short to worry about those types of things. In the end, it really is us who gets to decide whether we have a happy ending or not. Of course there are things that we cannot control. I get that. Trust me, I get that too well. Even though it can be hard to move on, lets at least try to do something about it. If you are reading this, and you have been upset as I have been, I want you to put all electronic devices down. Don't worry about them for awhile. GO outside and have some fun. Get some sunshine. Run around in circles until you get dizzy. If you don't like that type of stuff then get up and put on HAPPY MUSIC. Go outside and listen to it, but do not worry about text messages or any type of message sent by you or coming from others. So let us all do this together. Get up, take a shower, put on clothes that aren't those sweats you have been wearing for a week, put that ice cream down, and go have some fun. Lets get through life together. I love ya'll!~ Penny Lane Blogs



What if I fall? Oh my darling, but what if you fly?~Erin Hanson

Nights like this I hate that I miss you, but I do....

Even I slip up with those feelings still. How could you do this? I thought that we really were something...