*Back before demons took control of my heart*~ James Arthur

                                 She tortured herself with his images 

                                 Taking away her own privileges 

                                         To live a nice life

                                              She couldn't decipher

Her own desires 

From a raging fire

That was initial to eternal rest...

She was obsessed with his evil being

But his charming looks were decieving

He swept her of her feet

But threw her in the fire

She was burning to death

As the flames grew higher

But he didn't care

                                                     His love was dire

                                                 Her hostile lover 

                                                   Was a venomous liar...

"Leaving"

(Slow motion) She screamed. Her hair flipped from side to side. (High speed) She runs into his room. She's crying. She starts throwing her stuff, but packing some up at the same time. She is filled with mixed emotions, and she knows she has to leave, but she wants to stay. But maybe she doesn't want to stay. He runs in chasing after her. 

She says, "Loving you was a fight

And I lost a part of me

Bullet wounds in my heart 

That I thought was yours to keep"

He says, "Baby let's not fight

You never did lose me

I didn't mean to hurt you 

Your heart can stay my heart to keep"

She slowly backs up.. She thinks about kissing him...She wants to so bad, but she's afraid of what might happen... She's afraid she might stay... She glances in his direction and then walks out the door. She's never going back again..

And all of a her rambling thoughts suddenly came to a stop. Her tears felt as though they were acid rain. Her eyes were burning from crying so much. The room had come to a saddened silence.She wasn't quite sure how to take the doctor's words. "Laura, he never ever loved you. He is completely incapable of loving anyone." (She looks at me sympathetically). Part of me wanted to fight back and say he did love me. Though I didn't. I knew she was right. And now I know it is finally time to move on,... for if I don't, it could possibly become too late...

Not always proud of myself...

Don't fall for me cuz It'll take you 6 feet under

Why can't I escape?

I told you guys that I would be open about my good and bad days... So here we go....

I am in a downward-spiraling world of confusion. I need help but I'm scared. I don't know how to forgive myself, but then again I don't know what I should be forgiving myself for. I feel so scared. I went back to some bad habits yesterday that I'M NOT proud of. Maybe I'm waiting to receive forgiveness from others... Who? I'm not quite sure. I cut myself last night. I was hoping that it would numb the pain... It didn't. I was hoping that maybe the physical pain would hurt enough that I could forgive myself... I haven't. I don't know what to do, or how to live, or anything along those lines anymore. I even took in a new habit of cutting my arms. Once again... Not at all proud.

I'm dead. HAPPY NOW??

But in the end we all have to decipher what love is to us. We try so hard to love the "right" people. We try so hard to battle the "wrong" people off. But in the end, what is wrong? What is right? All I know is that I try my hardest not to fall in-love with the wrong guy, but in the end there is only one person I think about when I'm laying down at night. I don't know... Maybe I''ll always love him. The truth is, that he was my first love... My first heartbreak... It seems to me that all I can think about is how much I miss you, but what you did is wrong. Even if I do love you, you will always be a monster to every girl you try to ruin.

This is me my blog people

Why is it so easy to fall in love, but so hard to fall out of love? It was as though it was a blink of an eye. I fell in love with you... It was so easy darling. I saw it coming, and I tried to fight it, but I was just blatantly in love. Nothing got in the way of me loving you, but when it was time to fall out of love with you it seemed impossible.  It was as though all of the things that I ignored while loving you, were blocking me in all at once when it was time to go.

Although, each day that comes without you, I lose another part of you. And its not fucking fair because I don't want to let you go. You were supposed to be mine. I am hopelessly in love with you dammit. I need to not be, but the fucking point is that I am. So what fucking now? I don't know what to do, and it hurts to say that the next step in my life is not going to be with you. I have to learn how to be happy without you. Whatever that means...

But don't worry about me. You never did in the first place. I'll be okay I guess....

Your're the one that I want-Alex and Sierra

I am starting to be happy again. In the past few weeks I have noticed that I am possibly starting to fall for someone new. Don't get me wrong, I am still dealing with heartbreak and confusion. That being said, I have regained a feeling of hope. Last month I would have told you  that I would never feel the same way about someone again. And I still don't feel that way about anyone. This time though I am not rushing into major feelings. At one time, getting me to say that I would start feeling again was like beating a dead horse. Ha, ever heard that phrase? Well that was totally me. I can't wait to start being myself again. I want to create a new and healthy normal for everything in my life. I am choosing to start over. I deserve to be happy again. I never deserved to be this unhappy in the first place, and you don't either. So come on and be happy with me:)

My other blog

For anyone who views my blog, I would like you to know that I am very appreciative. You are the type of people that help me because you are the ones who listen. Also, I try to update my blog often, but don't always have the chance too. If you are eager to jump into the next chapter of my writing I have another blog called:

https://moonightwriting.blogspot.com/

This blog is me just getting a little creative with my writing. I post mostly poems that I write on here. I try to post of at least one of my blogs every single day!

                                                                                                      

                                                                                             Thank You!