Today I would say has been one of those days that have been much harder. Sometimes it is so hard to refrain from self-harm even though I know it is not worth it. My mind is filled with memories that you would see out of a horror movie. It is sad that something like out of a horror movie has happened to me in real life. Unfortunately, there are people out there like that though. Nights like tonight, I find myself trembling as I can see everything in the past so clearly. PTSD is very real. I will wake up sometimes multiple times in one night drenched in sweat, shaking, yelling, and sobbing in my sleep. I am learning to come to the realization that these are only dreams. Learning to not let these horrific dreams overrule my life, making everyday a bad day. Sometimes my mind, heart, and soul hurt so bad I want to scream and shutdown. I want to just go crazy, and run as far as I can. It feels as though I live in my own hell. I am stuck in my mind, and being poked and prodded with my own thoughts. I need to learn to live out of my thoughts, and live in the moment.  But I won't let "his" actions tear me up anymore. I won't tear myself up anymore. I can do this and be okay. Also, if I can build myself back up; Anyone of you with similar experiences can do so too. I believe in each and everyone of you. Never give up.